Thursday, March 29, 2007
These last couple of weeks is quite a difficult time for me. I have to decide between keeping loyal to my promise and initial objectives, or... going with the flow to what circumstance has to offer. Between staying on course, or going to an unknown world for a completely new direction.
Confused? Here it is: a month ago, I got an offer from a friend to help him develop a new television station with a strong capital back ups and a large dream to accomplish. I was flattered. I consider his offer a compliment, to my professional skills and personal attitude at work. I convince myself that this is the time to move on, to expand my ability and try other areas of expertise. I hope in the end, this experience will enrich me and contribute to my own personal mission in the future.
But then I think again. After meeting with the will be employer, I'm afraid the new place will not be as ideal as I initially think it would be. I was alerted to read between the lines, and could detect a possibility of a different values in this new place, a different approach of journalism, a completely whole new array of ethicts, dicipline, workplace regulation, and merit system. I'm afraid these new values wont be inline with my personal ones. I am terrified by the possibility that someday in the new place, I cannot adapt myself and end up deppresed.
Rationally, I think this is the phase everyone must expect when one try to decide whether it is the right moment to jump to another ship and change course. I fully aware of that. That is why I try to fight my own feeling, by looking at the bright side of taking a new direction. There is a few actually. First of all: I am trained to be a broadcaster. I took a post-graduate degree in broadcast journalism, for God sake. This is the natural path for me and why not? I learnt it and this is the time to implement it, to work based on those theories I learnt in campus. And secondly, this is a new station who is still trying to develop its own organisational culture, its values and approaches. All of that are not settle yet and still up for negotiation. Do not afraid of something that have not happened yet, my guts tell me.
Finally, there is the future. Since about three years ago, I start to pay more attention to the development of local media. I think for a country as vast and diverse as this one, one local media for one district is a must, for it can provide much needed information about how the government run, how the public money being spent, how the environment and the society change and move forward or backward. I think the quality of information provided is one of the key elements for a society to change and develop. People cannot make a correct decision if the information about what options they have, what is the background for that decision, and what the cost for every option, is not there. But people here barely read newspapers. They watch TV. That is why, I am interested in this platform, since it offer a strong penetration into people's mind. If the substance is right, TV can change life and course of the whole society.
However, there is one thing that make my decision-making proccess even more complicated. This is not just about me, myself and I. I have family, a beautiful wife and a smart son. I have to think about them, what future I could offer, what kind of family life I would offer and live together. And I think that is not just a question of how much money I can provide for them, but also what kind of values, what kind of priority setting, what kind of husband and father, I want to be. I want to be a responsible and caring husband and father, but in doing that, I dont want to be seen compromising my believed values. Because that is an integral part of my self image, I cannot be responsible and compromistic at the same time. I repeatedly tell myself, this is not about money. its about how you want to raise your children, what opportunity you want to offer them, what future you prepare for them.
And the final answer came just a few days ago. I was in the middle of work when my phone rang. I was invited to see the manager of the station once again. I went there, and we discuss the whole range of possibilities about where this station could develop. Its all rossy. But then, I asked myself, what contribution I can offer to this man, to this place, to this proccess. Can my contribution be replace by others? Is there something that only I can provide, that can guarantee the future is bright for this place? The answer is an obvious no. If I move here, I will be the one who learn and experience new things. I cannot contribute more that what I expected to. I am still 'green' in this field. Heck, I'm still 'green' for my current post! So, I decide, its too early to move on. I still have tons of things to learn and grasp, and experience. If I change course someday, I have to be fully sure that my being there is expected to rock something up. If not, and I just needed to be just a bolt of a big machine, then sorry, this is not the right time.